Phil's Thinking

Maf54: So… can I watch you legislate?
RolyPoly365: Sure. Just let me finish this doughnut.

Hand it to the Republicans. When they make a mess, they not only stick with it, they roll around in the muck and throw big mud pies at each other.

The GOP, or Grossly Overpaid Pedophiliacs, finds itself unable to extricate itself from its latest debacle, a delightful tale of surreptitious messages typed in the dark with little or no pants on. Former Congressman Mark “What Are You Wearing?” Foley has opened a partisan Pandora's box filled with delicious denials, flailing finger pointing and tasty tidbits of treachery.

Maf54: Tell me, Dennis, what do you look like in Speedos?
RolyPoly365: You don't want to go there, Mark.

This spectacular orgy of self-implosion has already cost the Republicans a Congressman and a whistle-blowing Congressional aide. It now threatens to dethrone Mr. Roly-Poly, a/k/a Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, a man fondly known as “Coach.”

Hastert, who's probably never skipped the last course of a meal, has been served a huge tray of just desserts.

Maf54: I think love handles are sexy.
RolyPol365: I need a snack. BRB.

Within two weeks, Speaker Hastert has gone from “persona au gratin” to “persona non grata.” Endangered GOP Congressmen dare not share the same stage with him, and not only because of fire department weight restrictions. He's a pariah in a party that has given us the debacle of Iraq, the debacle of Terry Schiavo, and the debacle of Jack Abramoff. In a very real sense, Hastert has an incurable case of “The Cooties.”

Predictions abound that the GOP is now in grave danger of losing its control over both chambers of Congress. Sure, Americans can forgive massive debt, growing casualties in Iraq, and a President who is genetically incapable of admitting mistakes, BUT they cannot forgive a Congressman who sends naughty messages to under-aged boys. Creepy trumps catastrophe any old day.

The irony is apparent and the message clear: 16 year-old pages must be protected from power-abusing Congressmen. Too bad 19-year old soldiers dying in the streets of Baghdad aren't offered the same protection.

Maf54: Are you a little horny?
RolyPoly365: Nope. I'm a little hungry.

Let's hope, that on November 7th, the American electorate is even hungrier... for change.