Phil's Thinking

The passing of actor Bob Denver, best known for his work as the well-meaning, yet hapless Gilligan on "Gilligan's Island," is a sad event in and of itself. But what is sadder is that the American people are saddled with countless real-life Gilligans in the Bush White House.

Not even Gilligan could've bungled the effort to save the thousands of marooned victims of Hurrican Katrina. And where was the Skipper when we needed him?

The list of Bush Administration Gilligans is long. It starts at the top with the bumbling lead Gilligan, ably played by George W. Bush. You may remember him from 2002's great disaster movie "WMD: The Search For Nothing." In this most recent episode, we find our leading Gilligan eating birthday cake with Senator John McCain while tens of thousands of New Orleanians cried out for just a taste of frosting. And a bottle of Crystal Geyser.



Reminded that he is indeed the First Mate (to Cheney's Skipper), Gilligan Bush relucantly agrees to leave the birthday party, and flies to Mississippi for a well-choreographed three-hour tour (a three-hour tour.) He's accompanied by the oh-so-sweet and dazed Maryann (Laura Bush) who looks like she's been hit on the head with a coconut.

Meanwhile, our next Gilligan, played by the versatile Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff (he also plays The Professor), is busy calling press conferences, apparently unaware that press conferences cannot feed the hungry or rebuild broken lives. His latest funny gaffe, calling Louisana a "city," fails to humor a public looking for action and answers.

On the other side of the tracks, the Millionaire (GHW Bush) and his wife Lovey (Barbara Bush) offer their help by touring the refugee camp once known as The Astrodome. Lovey seems a bit out of her element, having never seen so many poor Negroes at one time. But she does her best to hold it together and chirps merrily "And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this (she chuckled slightly)--this is working very well for them." Again, the joke falls flat with the American audience.

Back in the Gulf area, the youngest Gilligan, Arabian horse expert and FEMA Director Michael Brown is paddling furiously. He surrounds himself with the higher-placed Gilligans, hoping he can hide somewhere in the lagoon. Calls for his resignation come from many, including the glamorous Democratic House Leader Nancy Pelosi.

But it's really not Gilligan Brown's fault. On the S.S. Minnow that is the Bush Administration, his department was gutted, underfunded, and folded into Gilligan Chertoff's Department. The message here: even if the weather starts getting rough and the tiny ship is tossed, who really cares?

And where was Ginger throughout our national spectacle? She was at the Convention Center in New Orleans, along with thousands of others, her glamour diminished by no food, no water, not a single luxury.

Last thing I heard, she was looting the local Victoria's Secret.