Phil's Thinking

Well, it's been a very active week for the TWD staff. Disaster after disaster simply overwhelmed us. We were tempted to call in FEMA, but we couldn't wait a month. Here's how your favorite disasters fared this week:



HURRICANE KATRINA. After a startling debut, the old windbag went from a Category 4 to a Category 3 as she crossed the Gulf Coast. By the time she reached Tennessee, she had less wind than a vegan at a Pork Festival.



JOHN ROBERTS. Following the timely death of Supreme Court Justice William Rehnquist, Mr. Roberts, who was set to replace the retiring Sandra Day O'Connor, got a THUMBS UP from the President and was named the presumptive Chief Justice. Should the Senate hearings drag on for months, Mr. Roberts may become ALL the justices.



MICHAEL BROWN. The head of FEMA was in way over his head this week as the floodwaters in New Orleans were way over the heads of its trapped citizens. Unaware that New Orleans is in Louisiana, the flummoxed Brown sent 2000 National Guard troops to Louisville, Kentucky. The citizens of Louisville, fearing that a major disaster was heading their way, evacuated as quickly as they could. Brown, upon hearing the news, ordered more troops into St. Louis.



FECAL MATTER. The seldom used phrase got a big push from all major news agencies as they reported on the contaminated floodwaters flowing through New Orleans. Fecal matter references nearly quadrupled over last year, and supplanted CHENEY as the Number One synonym for smelly poop.