Sunday, July 01, 2007
Mitt and The Mutt: A Cautionary Tale
Back in 1983, a simpler time when Americans needed only to fear an arms race with the Soviet Union and subsequent nuclear annihilation, long before Paris Hilton and Al Qaeda reared their respectively almost-pretty and ugly heads, a man named Mitt Romney strapped his dog Seamus to the roof of his station wagon as he and his large Mormon family trekked from Boston to Canada.
That's right. The same Mitt Romney who is trying (god and Joseph Smith forbid!) to become our next president, a man who changes his positions more often than a flexible Thai hooker on a Saturday night, this man Romney STRAPPED his dog to the roof of his car.
True, the dog was in a pet carrier with a windshield. True, the dog didn't die. But STRAPPING a dog to the roof of your car is illegal in almost all states and even parts of Alabama. And hey, Mitt was driving a station wagon. Had he been driving a smaller car, perhaps two of his towheaded children would've joined Seamus on the roof.
This act of doggy cruelty in and of itself could be considered a “mistake,” an “oversight,” a “stupid fuck*ng boneheaded move by a dickhe*d. “
But no. Mr. Romney, under attack by animal rights groups, is DEFENDING the STRAPPING claiming that Seamus, that beautiful Irish setter, loved to be up there… alone… terrified… pooping himself.
And now his wife, the lovely Anne, is rushing to her husband's defense: “Our dog Seamus rode in an ENCLOSED kennel, not in the open air,” she claims. “And he loved it. Every time he saw it, he jumped up on the tailgate, walked in, and lay down. It was just like the kennel he curled up in at home."
Great. Now we know that a potential First Lady is a stupid lying bitch.
Too bad we can't ask Seamus what he thought. Seamus is dead. And Seamus, like many dogs of his era, couldn't speak English.
No wonder Mitt the Sh*t wants to “double the size” of Guantanamo Bay's detention camps and assure that America will forever be synonymous with torture. Some may say it's a tortured leap of logic to say that a man who mistreats his pets will also mistreat “enemy combatants” or the poor, or be unsympathetic to the neediest in our society.
Look at Adolf Hitler they'll say. Now there was a guy who loved his German shepherd. And see what he was capable of doing?
My friends, these some-may-sayers are wrong. First of all, it's common knowledge Hitler's dog Blondie was a complete assho*e. She was an evil bitch who ate Chihuahuas for breakfast and licked the faces of SS storm troopers. She was no Seamus, possibly the sweetest and most gentle dog who has ever lived.
Politics is personal, but it doesn't come close to our collective personal love for small furry things and Natalie Manes.
Mitt Romney, shouldn't be disqualified from becoming president because he's pro-Iraq, anti-choice and against expanded stem cell research. He shouldn't be discredited because of his faith or beliefs or the three other wives he's hiding in Provo, Utah.
No. Mitt Romney is unfit to be our 44th president because he made Seamus scared. And sad. Just like George Bush does to the rest of us every single day.
That's right. The same Mitt Romney who is trying (god and Joseph Smith forbid!) to become our next president, a man who changes his positions more often than a flexible Thai hooker on a Saturday night, this man Romney STRAPPED his dog to the roof of his car.
True, the dog was in a pet carrier with a windshield. True, the dog didn't die. But STRAPPING a dog to the roof of your car is illegal in almost all states and even parts of Alabama. And hey, Mitt was driving a station wagon. Had he been driving a smaller car, perhaps two of his towheaded children would've joined Seamus on the roof.
This act of doggy cruelty in and of itself could be considered a “mistake,” an “oversight,” a “stupid fuck*ng boneheaded move by a dickhe*d. “
But no. Mr. Romney, under attack by animal rights groups, is DEFENDING the STRAPPING claiming that Seamus, that beautiful Irish setter, loved to be up there… alone… terrified… pooping himself.
And now his wife, the lovely Anne, is rushing to her husband's defense: “Our dog Seamus rode in an ENCLOSED kennel, not in the open air,” she claims. “And he loved it. Every time he saw it, he jumped up on the tailgate, walked in, and lay down. It was just like the kennel he curled up in at home."
Great. Now we know that a potential First Lady is a stupid lying bitch.
Too bad we can't ask Seamus what he thought. Seamus is dead. And Seamus, like many dogs of his era, couldn't speak English.
No wonder Mitt the Sh*t wants to “double the size” of Guantanamo Bay's detention camps and assure that America will forever be synonymous with torture. Some may say it's a tortured leap of logic to say that a man who mistreats his pets will also mistreat “enemy combatants” or the poor, or be unsympathetic to the neediest in our society.
Look at Adolf Hitler they'll say. Now there was a guy who loved his German shepherd. And see what he was capable of doing?
My friends, these some-may-sayers are wrong. First of all, it's common knowledge Hitler's dog Blondie was a complete assho*e. She was an evil bitch who ate Chihuahuas for breakfast and licked the faces of SS storm troopers. She was no Seamus, possibly the sweetest and most gentle dog who has ever lived.
Politics is personal, but it doesn't come close to our collective personal love for small furry things and Natalie Manes.
Mitt Romney, shouldn't be disqualified from becoming president because he's pro-Iraq, anti-choice and against expanded stem cell research. He shouldn't be discredited because of his faith or beliefs or the three other wives he's hiding in Provo, Utah.
No. Mitt Romney is unfit to be our 44th president because he made Seamus scared. And sad. Just like George Bush does to the rest of us every single day.
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